Bad Day

Yesterday morning I woke up and started getting ready then got Tyler up and dressed and we were off to Nashville. It was a long drive in the pouring rain and thick traffic. I did get lucky and find a very close parking spot which never happens at this place. I got out the stroller loaded up Tyler and we headed in. I was a little early so I called and talked to Jon for a few minutes. I signed in then was called back for my blood withdrawal. After that we looked at my calendar and then got the medicine to take for when I would get my trigger shot. Next was my ultrasound and it went well I was not near as sore as I had been so it was not bad. Next my nurse came in to tell me that my follicles were still super tiny and that my endometrium was still super thin plus my estrogen was dropping and not raising. My estrogen (actually my estradiol) was not just dropping it was way down. So there was no way to get a trigger shot today I was not ready. She had said that I should be able to get it on Monday but they were worried I might ovulate on my own over the weekend which would cause problems but they would call me after the doctor had looked at my results.

I got in my car and called my husband and cried a few tears and he was sweet and told me we would be just fine, it would all be fine. Then I called my Mom and cried a few more tears and next was the mother in law and more tears followed. I was just so frustrated with my body and disappointed. Every media thing I look at it seems like everyone I know is pregnant and even though I am truly happy for them it is killing my heart. To me it seems like I am the only one not pregnant and I am dying to be.

After getting back to Clarksville we ran some errands then came home and I worked on getting us ready for Disney. I cooked chili for dinner in the crockpot and played with Tyler some while waiting on Jon to come home. Tyler was so excited when he called saying he was coming home and the two of us talked to him for a little while then I had to go I was trying to do a million things and Tyler was throwing a temper tantrum. It was not a few minutes Jon called back and when I answered I was shocked with what he said he was in a wreck but that he was okay. My heart was racing ninety miles to nothing. He said the lady was not paying attention and had rear-ended him but the truck seemed to be fine and he was fine just shaken up. He waited on the police and got his accident report and then headed home. I was so glad to see him but his back is really sore.

During all of this my doctors office called to let me know that the doctor had looked at all my results and said that I needed to cancel this whole cycle. Bad news was this was my last cycle Jon and I have decided that we do not want to keep doing all the medicines, shots, hormones, and stress. It is not fun at all and I have a new found respect for those that keep on doing. If we got negative results this time we were taking it that it was not in God's timing or God's plan for our lives. With that it is easier to say than it is to really cope with that. My heart is crushed but I thank God for blessing us with our little miracle baby, Tyler. He makes my heart beat and world go around. I do have to go back for a final consult with the doctor on the 22nd but we are done. Hopefully now I can find someone that can help me with my PCOS and everyday life and also get some answers about how to deal with the menopause that I am already in so I guess more doctors appointments are in my future. If God blesses us one day with another sweet angel one day we will be super happy but if not we are truly blessed with the miracle we have and are very happy as a family of 3. All 3 of us are Happy!

We appreciate all your prayers and thoughts.